Reality Updated

Certain times of one's life are usually accompanied by exclamations of "oh, you're f**king kidding!" spewed forth in a resigned, yet furious tone. This is one of those times, fun-seekers...

Rock for Dullards™

Tommy Lee's Rockstar Supermegahypernova has a winner - the skunk-haired ego-prince Lukas Rossi.

Monkeyboy Lukas Rossi - Oh dear god...

Now, before you all say "Mark, it's only a TV show, and no-one with real talent would be a contestant" - YOU'RE WRONG (and possibly haven't had sex for a while). There were a couple of entrants in the pile, as detailed previously (do try to keep up) that were talented singer-songwriters, blessed with stage presence and great voices.

Unfortunately, Lukas Rossi does not appear to be one of the cream. Not to say he's terrible. One only had to listen to Zayra Alvarez (mental) or Storm Large (what a name! Right up there with Dick Thrust) to know that he's head and shoulders above them. He just didn't have a superabundance of what another fave TV show is named after: "The X Factor". He has intriguing 'style', especially in the hair department, and spends wayyy too much time on makeup and prettification to really rock in any sort of meaningful way. Always fiddling with his clothes and appearance, there's seemingly very little about him that is anything other than superficial.

Again, before anyone decides to point out the obvious (ie. popular music is, for the most part, one of the most superficial activities on the planet), I just feel that "pissing about with one's hair for hours per day" was lower on the list of duties for Jimi Hendrix than, say, becoming one with his godlike affinity with blues, jazz, rock and the white Fender Strat. I could be wrong, but I'll happily fight ya for it...

Hey ho, here we go down the Corporate Rock rut again. ;-) With a bit of luck Magni Ásgeirsson (deeply talented and soulful), Toby Rand (the most "rock and roll" of the lot) and even ol' Ryan Star (edgy and possibly a little out of the musical zone he should be working in) will have the wit and perseverance to have careers in the music industry that have some kind of value to them above and beyond that of impressing all your mates down at the Whisky or Rainbow on the Strip or The Joint in Vegas. They certainly seemed to have the talent and tenacity.

The X Factor

This one still keeps dragging me away from the computers (or the shed, or the ridiculous amount of D-I-Y I'm supposed to have done already). With the initial few series, it was necessary to show the judges' characters as grotesques - a conciliatory role between two hardened businessmen within the industry, one of whom is portrayed as a complete bitch.

Now though, the great un-hosed (the British public) is familiar enough with who these people are for the producers to be able to show them in the more human role which they actually occupy in reality. Therefore, the comments and criticisms that are selected for broadcast are much more enlightening and reasoned, as they are generally about those entrants who actually do posess some innate, if raw, talent. Of course, they still throw in the odd talentless munter whose family and friends have told them they're the greatest singer on earth, in the vain hope that what the world needs is a voice like a squeezed corpse housed in a frame that bears a horrifying resemblance to someone having a nightmare entitled "When The Oil-Rigs Came Alive And Started Yelling At Me".

Well, you've gotta have some laughs, right? And it beats playing "Death F**k 2: Zombie Apocalypse" until your thumbs bleed, doesn't it?

Actually, I'll get back to you on that last one...